For Expats: “I chose to move—is it ok if I feel like this?”

Expats will often dismiss their emotional experiences by saying that because they chose to move, they should only feel gratitude for the opportunity.
It is a common phrase heard throughout the various life choices we make: “I chose to have children, to get married, to work at this location, to move here… I should not complain.” In reality, telling ourselves we should or should not feel a certain way typically makes the emotions worse. It can lead to avoiding, dismissing, or ignoring our feelings, which can make them larger and more intense over time.
Learning to navigate life in a new culture and context is a tremendous challenge. Homesickness, anxiety, guilt, loneliness, depression, and a loss of identity are all common experiences with such a change. Even if you anticipated all of this before you chose it, that does not invalidate your need for support in the middle of it.
If someone needs surgery and knows in advance that the recovery process will be painful, we would not fault them for crying, asking for help, or talking about their discomfort afterwards just because “they chose to have the surgery.” Could you, as an expat, extend yourself the same grace?
Every choice has consequences, both positive and negative. Counselling is here to provide a space for you to process it all, with a therapist who will never say, “You should stop complaining.”